I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
I don't smoke a lot but now and then I do. Weed and I are like still standing naked in a bathroom together deciding if we should blow one another or bolt for the exit. An awkward relationship.
I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
On this egg donor form, it asks "In the past 5 years, have you had sex for drugs or money?" It only gives a yes or no option and no place to explain myself. What do I do?
these marshmallows taste like mayonnaise. like playing tetris on a gameboy, that's what these marshmallows mean.
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
I need to stop getting so excited when a guy unzips his pants and its bigger than my boyfriends. I look like a kid in a candy store.
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
my pupils became my eyes and i slept with a cloth in my mouth again
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
One. But meh. I upped my age limit to like 29 hoping I'll match with this one fedex guy that delivers packages to my work
Also I literally googled "how to fold socks" so that's how my day is going. How's yours?
He looks like Aladdin, and that's about all he's got going for him.
Randomize
