we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
Like. There is beer on the other side of that door and 6 yards in. If he's not back in 20 minutes to let me in, I am using this tree as a battering ram.
At the party. I feel like I just walked into a lifesize blunt.
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
I'd just like to say before I start drinking tonight that not only do I not find you attractive; I don't want to hook up with you, suck your dick, be your "suga mama" or have your babies. Please disregard any texts, phone calls or voicemails that say otherwise..
All I've had today is a brownie and a shot of Jack, so you know. I'm doing ok.
Nobody knows who they are, but they have an ice luge so they are welcome in my book
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
It's a sad day when you're not really phased by the McChicken video only because you've seen weirder porn.
I can't say too many people would say watching their drunk best friends fuck in a hot tub is very normal.
I did a line off of, and then danced on top of a table older than this country.
Harvard is great.
I dropped my slice of pineapple on the kitchen floor and was just staring at it about to cry. It was really good pineapple.
He heard our neighbor’s vibrator through the wall, knocked on her door and now they’re doing it
The blonde?!? That’s just unfair! His penis already has a fairy tale existence
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