I think east. Tornado watch. What the fuck are you doing in Texarkana?
Bonnaroo. Tornado watch? Expand on that thought.
Watch for tornadoes.
She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
Everything about him screamed your future.
Even Lady Gaga hates Purdue
there were at least 5 of us standing around the bathroom stall cheering you on to throw up.
Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
Next test. Underwater blowjob. If you fail...out of water blow job
Yea we just broke up
so do we start sexting now or later?
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
didn't prepare for this snow storm at all. i only have like 6 beer and all my booty calls already went home for the holiday. this is bull.
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
I'd climb him like a horny MILF spider monkey.
My Uber driver last night was driving a taxi and tried to charge me fare.
You didn't get in your Uber because your ex was driving, that was a legitimate taxi.
He went in for a kiss so I shook his hand instead.
Randomize
