dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
He is passed out on the kitchen floor. He will fight you if you disturb him. Just a warning.
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
He puked in the voicemail. That's a true friend right there.
The shit I just took was my body's way of telling me bourbon and mixed nuts aren't an appropriate dinner. Well played, colon. WELL. PLAYED.
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
I got to walk around for eight hours wearing power armor and acting camp. No way I wouldn't love it.
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
Wow two curved penises in one weekend. I feel like this may be good luck. Like finding a four leaf clover
Thanks for not letting me get involved with a serial killer. That's true friendship
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