No. Please No. At first it was cool when you started bring an extra girl home for me but after 2 cycles of clap medicine I'm putting an end to it.
Damn it, I know in the morning I'm going to regret eating out of the trash...
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
its was like we drinking an entire bottle of mystery
I'm not sure what happened. But I must have won because I obviously stole two full pitchers of beer from the bar and taped a note on them saying "your welcome"
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
Just had an old man tip me two dollars and say "here put this in your baby fund, you'll have a baby someday" I swear this is gods way of saying GET ON BIRTH CONTROL NOW!
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
Fastest way to get judgmental looks on a Sunday morning: wear sunglasses inside carrying a case of beer and thin mints at the grocery store. May or may not have ran into the glass door.
Gotta love Minnesota
I accidentally kneed him in the balls while trying to straddle him so we ended up spending the night watching ffm porn online
your body is your temple. do you really want a bunch of dicks in your temple?
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
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