had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
My cousin's dog just exhaled smoke. My job here is done.
I'm about to enter vancouver's biggest liquor store. I feel like I should sent you a "wish you were here" postcard.
i was actually impressed that she managed to throw up underwater while scuba diving
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
Just took my birth control pill next to the cubicle where we had sex last semester.
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
Apparently you can talk a girl into leaving the bar and coming back to your tent, who knew?
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
i was drinking at the bar last night with a guy with no bottom teeth, wearing zubas and a polka dotted hat. if that isn't the definition of wisconsin, i dont know what is
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
I almost died in that meeting. Nearly dried up and blew away in the pure powder form of boredom
I know that feel bro
I'm definitely closer to having sex in every building on campus than I am to having a post-graduation career/plan/future. Unless that future is getting fucked in lots of buildings. I got that shit on lock down.
It wasn't exactly a dick pic. It was more like a body shot with a hint of wiener.
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