i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
I'm home and safer than post-menopausal sex; you're welcome for the image. And yes, I did just use a semi-colon hammered.
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
I also would have accepted most things ending in "job", erotic favors, and food.
How would one go about tricking someone into chugging an entire bottle of tequila?
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
I'm in the Wal Mart stall where we found out you weren't pregnant. This is where I'm going to propose to you. I feel like that would be the most romantic
Smoked all day yesterday and even more today. Just survived high dinner with mom and sister. Thought I might eat the whole table
So take that alcohol. I still win. I ALWAYS WIN. Plus i didn't have to wear clothes. DOUBLE WIN.
Good. Need a drinking partner later. FOR AMERICA!!!
Me and Jason had to grab your legs and arms and drag you in the house. You kept screaming "leave me for dead"
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
Randomize
