im insabelyl wasted and diont know if ill yexyed tou. call me
I'm drunk at a fancy martini bar, wearing jeans, drinking cheap vodka that I brought in my purse. Got thrown out of court for using my cell phone. All in all calling Thursday a success.
you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
Does puking on your bio final mean I can retake it?
Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
He said that I started crying after sex because he was leaving to go back to Europe after the semester was over and I wouldn't see his dick anymore. This is why I need to stop hooking up with the exchange students.
Can you not touch my dick while I'm holding a gecko?
I would just like to say that I was the one who said that we should find scissors, when they were cutting your hair with a kitchen knife. I am responsible.
I still feel bad for it, even though I technically only videotaped it and helped will to distract the questioning neighbor
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
Randomize
