he quoted Bring It On. It's over.
Its official. Iv'e been kicked out of a bar in every state. I would like to take my job and travel time for allowing this to happen.
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
Also, the zoloft kicked in and I can't get an erection anymore. So I'm depressed.
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me.
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
Halfway through the blowjob she stopped and said 'Wait I know this dick'.
Makes sense. My grandma just did this shot. MY FAMILY KICKS ASS.
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
dude can you explain to me why i woke up on your sisters floor with moutain dew and chips everywhere
i dont know im at your house.
Randomize
