If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
Help. Me. He just whispered 'prepare yourself', & sprayed hairspray everywheres to make sure the 'air was crisp'
she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!!
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
if I open my eyes, my head will explode. that hungover.
Stoned in a petco on a Saturday. I figured out that ferrets can eat themselves out. Just picture it. Never leaving.
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
That's why you need to have them together. Katie started crying on the couch and she just gave her a tube of crackers and picked up a beer at the same time. She's like a goddess of making things chill
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
Sean slept in the bushes beside my house again. Any reason he kept screaming/slurring 'it was all a bunch of goddamn lies' through out the night?
There's nothing like a guy talking about your vagina as if it's delicious food to make your day better.
U were so upset when the shower ruined ur nachos. I didn't kno what to do.
Profesor just winked at me. This class might be easier than I thought
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