And i quote: "where's y'alls from comin' in with them accents?" - from a mississipi mcdonalds
She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
Fuck him. I'll set him on fire for you. Then we'll see how good of a firefighter he is.
Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
you can feel better about your life now. i slept with a guy who has gold teeth
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move.
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
I bought a vibrating wall dildo with my tax return. You?
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
I've never known a porn star before
There's not even an emoji for this
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
Randomize
