peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
Dear sober self: your car keys are in the glove compartment, your car is outside the church. I hope you're reading this from your own bed instead of someone else's.
We got back from Mcdonalds and literally 5 minutes of being in your room, you wanted to go back because "We haven't been yet."
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
That basically sounds like the worst party of my life, and I'm including my brother's World of Warcraft themed birthday party.
Moonshine marathon is never a good idea
So the guy I hooked up with during welcome week just tried to booty call me from across the lecture hall at 9am. I don't think he gets how this works...
I fucked him on my yoga mat. Then we wake and baked and ate granola. So yes, you could say I found my center.
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
Some guy I'd never met and didn't invite threw the punch bowl at the wall and set the plastic skeleton on fire. I don't think we'll be getting the full deposit back
My neck feel like I've been sucking Goliath's dick.
I would offer you moral support, but I have questionable morals..
Randomize