Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
make any headway on the foot/dick situation?
Oh. Thats cool. Im not dating anyone right now. Sean gave me chlamydia from some GUY he fooled around with. Im being abstinent.
winter break is going to suck... i have to put away my college personality and transform into who my parents think i am.
she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
If I refrain from fucking my manager, I'm going to reward myself by fucking that guy from the photo department.
the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
well the blowjob for study guide exchange was a success.
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
He obv doesn't know that telling a woman to chill will get him murdered
Randomize
