News Flash: Turtles are cuter than Jesus.
Congrats on damning at least 10 generations of your offspring to hell with just one text message. Way to start your morning off right.
We've finally become those guys who you'd see in middle school when you went to the park who are just stoned out of their minds sitting on the swings.
good thing vaginas are great cup holders
Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
On a toatally unrelated note, I see music in my hair
I think I'm goin to jail but either way I had a blast.
Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
He is really real. Like I know where he works, have referenced him with mutual fb friends and I've seen his dick. He's real.
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
I'm mainly pissed because I shaved fucking EVERYTHING for this. WITH SHAVING CREAM. Men do not appreciate how rarely that happens.
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
We will discuss everything tomorrow i presume. Including the sweaty naked tango.
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
Randomize