It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
Turned out the thing on the lampshade was a bloodstain, not a bedbug. We feel much safer now.
can we get together and have a vodka water gun fight? i need to get som intense excersise/alcohol
i had a threesome. one of the guys used to bully me in high school too for being gay.
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
I went through my entire iTunes library and made a playlist called "Feelings". I have 7.5 hours of feelings.
His friend still there? Be like "I need to see both of your dicks ASAP"
Just please don't close your legs while I'm down there again. I don't want my death to be labeled as "Head crushed while giving an individual cunnilingus".
What are we just gonna be those girls that get fucked in your parents basement and not get taken to dinner? I don't wanna be those girls.
I'm pretty sure that waking up butt ass naked with a bottle of 151 and a note that said "I didn't want to wake you up, but thanks" proves I had a good time....god bless America
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
DO NOT FUCK YOUR ENGAGED GAY NEIGHBOR!
Randomize
