I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
I need to stop drinking. Side note- we have a party bus tonight. So the drinking will have to end after that
We woke up under the ping pong table holding hands.
I just ditched my friends to hang out with the chilis restaurant crew...one of these girls better have daddy issues
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
It was technically 11... But I go by McDonald's time, if they aren't servin breakfast, it's the afternoon. Therefore I can drink
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
And if you put this on Facebook, I will drop live cockroaches in your mouth while you sleep and then smother you with a pillow.
You always say the most romantic things
When you didn't respond I figured you must be busy so I'm home in my pj's 2 beers in and stoned from weed I got from my gaybours. They also gave me cake. I'm not moving from this recliner.
i just passed i guy i once let listen to me masterbate on the phone...nyc is not big enough
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
Just fucked my ex's brother. It is clear I dated the wrong one. Is it wrong for me to continue to fuck this one?
I guess I’m only into threesomes at Halloween, because I just woke up next to “Marilyn Monroe” and “Joe DiMaggio” in their condo
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