This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
There were gay boys and a jukebox. It was like god wanted me to.
He is just lying there. People are throwing money onto his chest as they walk by...
I'LL COME GET YOU. GOTTA FIND A SUIT THAT COVERS TIT BRUISES FIRST.
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
I have aggressive nipples.
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
Dude, naked camping ALWAYS takes precedence. I would skip my own funeral to go naked camping.
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
The stripper was super into me until she pulled out my tits then I realized.... This bitch is just using my ass to get MORE TIPS
It's not even 7 yet. She's singing you are my sunshine to the smirnoff bottle.
How much weed should I buy my mom for her birthday?
You have such a talent for this
Friendship, or finding weed?
Yes
Randomize
