So I pulled my t-shirt down, pushed my boobs up and marched right into that church!
the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave?
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
If I hid at school to avoid the cops, is it fleeing and evading or just being a good student?
You have all semester to unpack your car, quarter jello shots only last until 10.
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
Woke up next to a slice if pizza. From what i can tell I tried to plug it into my phone charger. No more blackout wednesdays for this girl.
He looked so uninterested when the stripper was slapping him. Now his roommates are harassing me about how crazy our sex must be.
Randomize
