just hang any plant up and call it mistletoe.
Just pulled an upper-decker at a hardware store. I believe I'm winning 8-2. It's obvious you don't shit enough in public.
Well technically because of daylight savings, I only lasted 15 mintues.
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan.
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
Filthy. I need to be power hosed with holy water.
I honestly feel really bad for any girl with a period that lasts more than a day
Everything about that text makes me want to throttle you and cry
You realize we were screaming in the car about our apartment next year because we can "bring home randoms whenever we want" and "stare at each other from our door ways"
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
Is there an "I fucked your brother" emoji?
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
Dad hid the hash somewhere in my room and wont tell me where it is until i clean it. My room is spotless. The hash was on the ceiling fan...
Randomize
