Life lesson: when driving and throwing up, choose a paper bag over plastic. Fuck my life.
So i literally just wrote sorry on my quiz and turned it in.
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
I think I ruined Robin and Mikes anniversary. I walked in on them fucking, accidentally broke the necklace he gave her, and I stole the keg from their party. Not in that order
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
bitch got booty called while we were making out. and then she actually left.
the beer staff turned into a beer spear way to quickly
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
My neck kind of hurts. I think from sleeping on the concrete.
This is gonna be a long day for my vagina and I
My 12 o'clock class is an all star team of my ex's hook ups
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better
Too high to wash a dish but just high enough for a kitchen fire
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