I could tell by the way he was holding my hand that he really liked you
I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
I wish I could just thrust my cock straight into her new relationship.
God gave him joint rollers for hands
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
Just living on dreams and a bed of used condoms
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
if i actually get asked out by my dealer what could happen?
i don't know, but it probably involves bathtubs full of weed
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
My liver is fucking rocky. Get knocked down 7 times and gets up 8. World champ
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
we're so committed to being not committed
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