Megan Fox is the only woman I would let pee on me.
I'm similar. She's the only woman I'd ask to pee on me.
Ok yeah you're right. I'd ASK Megan Fox to pee on me. I'd ALLOW Erin Andrews to pee on me if she asked.
Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
I actually don't know if I can stand up. I just know better than to try
I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
Dude a gay guy just Sparta kicked this Samoan guy for calling him a flamer you need to get down here the free kamakazee shots haven't even started yet
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
I specifically remember rubbing my eyes thinking I could definitely go blind and I really like came to terms with it I was like ok my other senses will develop this is fine
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
I mean, I already saw his dick in person and wasn't impressed so why is he sending me a picture of it, anyway? I hate re-runs!
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
I texted her mom a picture of us doing it saying "I'm trying to make your daughter just like you!" she was not amused.
Randomize
