Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
I'm worried someone is gonna take a black light to my work computer. But the connection is faster here.
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
I'm not sure if it was sex or spear fishing. He goes in for it like he's crash landing a rocket
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
From time to time I think I'm happy for a second and then I remember how a guy stopped me from giving him head on my birthday weekend.
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
too bad I'd hit a car before I'd hit a bush.
Are we talking about jumping from windows or your willingness to fuck a car instead of a woman?
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
My vagina is very pro this idea
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.
home. only unpacked the necessities...contact case and beer.
Randomize
