captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
they said he just opened the front of his shirt and threw up alll over himself
All semester I have been trying to figure out if this kid in front of me is gay. His cell phone just went off with Britney's "Circus". Case closed.
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
This is even worse then that time I fucked a guy just because he had air conditioning.
There are topless girls riding the lawn flamingos. I win.
this whole plan B standoff thing with her is really starting to make me nervous
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
I'm really hot. went tanning and this cheeseburger shirt like isn't breathable
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
I'm gonna go parent style on your ass... I don't ask much from you but if you could please just come get shitfaced with me I would really appreciate it
dont know what thebfuxk is in rhat shit, but dont lemme have antmore
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