Do u think she knows her nickname is the oompa loompa
I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
Steve is enlightening me on how and why u put gerbils up your ass
I wish I had my own personal Asian lady that lived under my bed so that she could wax my eyebrows and give me a pedicure whenever I wanted.
Remember when we were mad at her for brining her mom on spring break? She just won the wet t-shirt contest. I think we owe her an apology.
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
my momz letting me make the christmas card in photoshop
so that means christmas in space?
imma make our dead cats ghosts like obi wan kenobi
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
Just had sex with your cousin. That's what you get for throwing away a perfectly good microwave. Hopefully you learned from this experience.
Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
He slapped my ass and his clap-on light turned on.
Not after That Night. No. I hate tequila. And it hates me. Very mutual hateship going on.
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
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