this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
I can't believe I'm wasting this thong on a guy in a sweater vest.
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
She handed me a mouthguard and said "here, you're going to need this" that rough.
My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
Home, forcing the cats to make out. Someone should get some.
Realistically anyone can come I don't care it's Boston what do I own boston? No. I just don't want people who are gonna give me "why are you doing that" kinda look when I take birthday shots out of my birthday babe shot glass necklace.
What time do you think you'll be heterosexual?
She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party
It's 4/20 of course I'm going to smoke in the portapotty and be ripped outta my mind at the lung cancer walk.
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
Well guess who isn't a virgin anymore
guess who isnt wearing pants has a shaving cream beard and is afraid theres no cream cheese in the fridge
the answer to that last one was me. the answer to the first one is you, you sly dog
Listen I don't care what it's called as long as it's drugs
Randomize
