2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
Don't forget ur talking to the master juggler. Remember that time I slept with 3 guys and made them all pay for plan b? Paid the rent didn't I?
I'm getting a collar when he gets back in to town! That's like the bdsm equivalent of getting his class ring!
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
It is clearly not my fault that you decided studying was more important than trying to bang our hot teacher for an A, so I seized the opportunity.
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
Had a vaginal orgasm. I feel like I made sex my bitch.
BRIAN AND ANTHONY SPOON FED MY BROTHER MACARONI AND CHEESE WHILE HE WAS FUCKING ZARA. THEY WENT TO HIGHFIVE HIM AND ZARA WAS LIKE "WOO!" AND HIGHFIVED THEM FIRST
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