I'm pretty sure that he just gave me the ginger disease
arkansas has a gas station called kum and go....story of my life
me and my sister are feeding my dog poprocks. this is proof you don't need a lot of money to have fun.
I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell
nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
this whole plan B standoff thing with her is really starting to make me nervous
It's 2:30 on a Friday afternoon. It's snowing and must be about 20 degrees outside. I'm sitting in this class with 300 people using up every ounce of energy and willpower not to puke all over the girl in front of me. This has got to stop.
She had a tattoo on her pelvis that said "it's cock-o-clock" an had clocks and hot dogs exploding away from it. I'd like to tell you it was deal breaker buuuuuuut.......
I walked into her room to find her sitting on the end of her bed with her heads in her hands talking to herself. She kept muttering things like "What? How? No. What? I don't --- How?" $10 says she's pregnant.
I'll see to your $10 and raise you $40.
I just had sex on a roof
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
There’s nothing that says motivation more than watching these little geniuses on Kids Baking Championship New Year’s Day. I’m ready to fuck shit up this year.
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
thank you for the vibrator recommendation, i've come six times today and it's only noon
Randomize
