Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
PS, you're not being slutty, you're "making dreams true."
you don't understand, he speaks spanish and is tall. i have to do him.
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
It's gay pride weekend and Father's day.. So in honor of the occassions I am now BI
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
honestly my period and I are just as surprised to see each other every month
I wish I could accurately explain the embarrassment of standing in your bathroom with women's nair on your ass waiting to get in the shower.
YOUUUU FUCKING FURRYYYY
I DIDN'T COME HERE TO BE SLANDERED LIKE THIS
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
Why is there a wet sock in my garbage? Why did I chug so much red wine? Why was someone signing into my iCloud account at 4 am in China? Why do I do self-destructive reckless things? So many questions.
I'm going to ride your dick until it falls off. That horny.
I'm equal parts terrified and turned on. Come over.
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
Randomize
