Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
you just kept swimming in circles and whenever someone would try and coax you out you would scream "i CANNOT drown, my brother is the supervisor of a water park!!
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
I mean we've tried to get high on nutmeg, we clearly dont know the definition of "too far"
I love watching the kids I sold drugs to score touchdowns
We got to the party at eleven, and the host was already in the hospital from being stabbed. And she brought the stabber home with us when we left.
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
Serio, who the fuck falls down coming offstage wearing nothing but pasties, a g-string, and a fake moustache, and now suddenly needs a tetanus shot. Me. That's who.
i just want a position where we can lock up like some sort of sexual megatron and go the whole night that way
I'm not snubbing your weed I just had a really important rack of ribs to get home to
I'm eating a block of cheese like its a sandwich in the tsa line
She's seen your dick through your pants. You don't need to ask
i like that he makes me laugh. those are like my two favorite things. laughing and fucking.
I walked in the kitchen and heard her saying "We could have been so good together" as she caressed an egg with her cheek.
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