do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
What's the big deal? you guys fuck
3 times is my limit. I don't even want to know you exist after 3 times
She just licked her nipple in public to get a free bar tab.
I used the picture of my mom and I doing blow job shots in Vegas in the presentation for my Spanish final. Graduation here I come.
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
Thanks for bailing me out last night guys. it's bullshit that everbeering people at bars is illegal. bitches have no sense of adventure anymore
I'll answer your question with a question: Are you gonna be too high?
I mean you would really have to try to not have fun at a party that doesn't require pants....
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
Ryan friended me on LinkedIn and it took everything in my power not to endorse him for sexual dysfunction as a skill.
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
Randomize
