Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
Yeah he is here but I can't let him know I am until he has like 30 min worth of drinks. so when he see me he isn't like "omg ew,NO!"
I have so much to learn from you, wise slut
You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
The last thing I remember before blacking out was telling Jamie that she was too fat even for my standards. The first thing I remember after blacking out was waking up next to her.
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
I remember it because it was right after the sadness and right before the sluttiness. The calm before the storm if you will
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
And I was like "take off the damn flower crown, we're about to have sex not post an indie picture on tumblr"
why not an indie porn pic then
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
I just want cinnabon and vodka.
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
LACE UP YOUR GODDAMN SHOES
N O
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