i can't wait to go to hell
yeah...all of my friends will be there for sure
we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
i just stepped in cum. i hate you.
Thats what happens when you don't swallow.
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
i robbed the continental breakfast last night
I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
Did he ask you why you were in his back yard Sunday night?
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
Of course I fucked her, her man stole my bike when we were kids
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
Matt is trying to convince me that we have a deal where if I show him my tits he won't do cocaine. Apparently we shook hands on it?
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
Randomize
