Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
Not gonna happen. She just told me she puts glitter over the mole on her nose to make it look like a piercing.
Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
well you decided to make everyone "drinks" which was sprite and beer mixed.
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
captain&coke to the library. STAT. this is an emergency. this is not a drill. I repeat: THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
this st patricks day sucks
ill send jameson via bank tube 150+ miles
HIS BALLS ARE HEAVEN SENT FROM THE VELVET ANGLES.
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
I just sneezed and margarita mix and ash came out of my nose. I love jersey
And my parents said I crawled through the house
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
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