after last night, i judge her for not breaking up with me
so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
You never go ass to mouth. That's quite possibly the most important rule Paramedic school has taught me.
I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
I'll give her a pass for the first one, but after the second threesome, she should have learned her lesson.
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
Judging that there's a photo of me getting head while sitting on a graveyard tombstone.....not good.
its been so long even thinking about having a dick inside me makes me sore
I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.
Unless you've also woken up wearing a poncho and a ring pop, I suggest you don't judge me. Okay, I even judged myself for that.
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
But in defense of this shit summer we've had, I totally perfected my shotgunning skills. I have achieved my summer goal.
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
I'm 22 and I'm drinking hawaiian punch from a sippy cup. Everything is right in the world.
He tried to eat me out...through my pants.
Randomize
