At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
I hope he doesn't find the chex mix when he takes my shirt off.
She posted on her FB that he moved out...It's like she wants me to fuck him.
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
And all you did was hit on me and do things "for America", so you weren't judged heavily
Besides he said his dick was as big as a loaf of bread and that it was broken. So I was like u have half a head of hair and a broken dick that looks like bread. No thanks. Im good.
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
That was fun and all, but let's never have sex on a ladder ever again.
You don’t need a wing man if you have a solid hook up on the pumpkin pie
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
Randomize
