all we need is a web designer
and a bunch of prostitutes
she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
He's playing farmville on his phone while puking over the toilet..
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
as soon as I stop standing here with one leg up on my bathroom counter admiring my balls, I'm going to go tan. and then you may come over.
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
Both our collective sex appeal dies once someone cums on a snuggie kayla
Lmfao I'm not trying to have a pissing contest over acid with my mom.....
We have a vagina exchange agreement. Neither of us can hook up with any of our own law firm's summer associates. So we have a scout and referral program and invite each other to the other firm's summer events. Criss-cross!! Works every summer.
I think I swiped left on my soulmate
I told him he looked like my uncle.
Why would you say that in a bathtub?
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
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