we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
So i told him he was the 3rd i have ever slept with and then i found out he had actually slept with 5 other girls besides me. And his reply was well your number one on this hand.
i draw the line when you ask for directions at a place you're already at.
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
One of the art pieces was basically this chick throwing raw meat at the audience, anyone who got hit (which I did) got a free shot of whiskey. It was worth it.
DONT TALK SHIT ABOUT LUNCHABLES
Her neighbors? They're nice. Young family. Tried not to get puke on their side of the lawn.
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
I still have to bake cookies and shave my legs so Mike can have MILF & cookies when he gets home.
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
He ran out to tell us that somebody flooded the bathroom, then went back in there fell on his ass and asked why the floor was wet
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
Randomize
