i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
puked in the new hous. now it's officially home.
my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
wtf are you talking about? You vomit-splattered the cop from the balcony. The cop YOU called because you drunk-dialed 911 because a 5 year old ate the last donut.
it was a krispy kreme
Smoked a blunt with a girl i met at the bus stop today. What you did today is irrelevant
his first fb message to me in 3 years was "is your cock open for business?" im blocking him
he can suck his own dick, i cant compete with that
I asked him if we were going to get arrested for doing it in the bar parking lot. "Absolutly not" said the guy getting the blow job...
Can u pick me up? Lost my keys.
Sure. FYI- you "lost" them on the roof, trying to throw them over the house.
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
Did we go to Florida? My missing thong and DL just arrived in the mail. Return address was Tampa.
Randomize
