sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
Just saw a baby with a T-shirt that read "I am the result of my mother forgetting to take her magic pills". I can't believe they make shit like that.
Could someone please kill snooki before she contributes to the gene pool.
All I need in life is some dick and a big mac.
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
like when he blacked out and we found him in the garden eating your tomatoes off the vine
Yeah he got kind of mad when he found out he had chased his last two shots with a combination of orange soda, water, and used mouth wash.
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
Sex was great. Left his house while he was asleep but on the plus side I was able to get gas station food.
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
Apparently I had 2 bloody noses and after my sis put me to bed at the hotel, I escaped and my sister's friend found me in an elevator with some guy
Well, I sent nudes with an Elmo t shirt on the floor... so there's that.
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
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