Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
I think you were giving a sex seminar on your kitchen table last night.
Hello. You don't know me, but word on the street is that we are now eskimo sisters. I feel like we should go out for coffee and compare experiences.
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
I just ordered 30 klonopins from India that could probably be anything from Viagra to Midol. You need to find another friend to get advice from right now
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
we talked about the guy being eaten by the anaconda.. Then I proceeded to blow him
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
I don't care how hot he is. I will not strip for him to country music.
We never leave a bad bitch behind. its a party foul..we'll find you somehow
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
No offense, but I don’t think I would want to see him in anything skimpier than a hazmat suit.
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