i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
I think a used vibrator from amazon.com is a great valentines day gift foe my ex.
It was like stroking your vagina with a cloud.
When he gets asked "is it in?" more than his name you arent missing out on much more than a petite tampon.
its cute though when you google his name more than one mug shot comes up from different states
Being the only woman in a triathlon group - it's a penis paradise.
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
Omg I just woke up. In the hallway outside my room. I know you had something to do with this
It's a shame things ended how they did. We were well on our way to transforming from acquaintances with benefits to friends with benefits.
you were screaming "I don't need a shirt!" repeatedly while in the process of taking it off and flashing the bouncer. we got kicked out. thanks a lot.
Can I bother you for a second.
You always bother me but go on.
Randomize
