I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
She wants me to spank her and yell "Kerry! Your father is disappointed with your choices!" Fuck up but crazy hot? Or just fuck up crazy?
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
There's a chance I told a cop that I was ready for him to strip I may have even taken some ones out of my purse and stuck them in his holster
I almost wanna stick a tampon in and sneeze bent over to see if it actually shoots out
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
Enjoy the penises
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
Sooooooo, can scratch getting a pelvic exam by a man dressed as Woody from Toy Story off my list.
You need to write an essay about this experience.
He was even wearing the hat.
my very deepest apologies for the unintentional cock block.
just saw a girl run into an automatic sliding door, back up and try again
Randomize
