On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
My insides feel lik shag carpet. It is awesome
being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
Walk of Shame today included voting.
Someone is in my phone as "fireball girl" and keeps texting me. How do I go about finding out who it is?
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
you walked in on him eating me out and screamed SHE'LL BREAK YOUR HEART BRO before body slamming on the ground and passing out on the floor
I miss you, too. It's hard to sleep without anything licking my head.
This really high kid past out in the corner of the room holding a box of cheez its in his arm. My idol.
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
I HAVE A STRAIGHT LINE ACROSS MY ASS ABOUT THE WIDTH OF A SLIM JIM. ERICA!
I’m going to fail his daughter so she stays in my class and I can keep fucking him. BEST. ORGASMS. EVER.
Then you can teach the kid to be a home wrecker
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