Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
THAT'LL be a good time.
and i don't know why my phone always capitalizes that word.
I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
I would pay so much money for a video of you fucking a sheep
Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
well I mean we knew we had more drinkers than runners, so we had a "case race for the cure" for relay for life instead of an actual marathon. day drinking and philanthropy. can't go wrong.
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
Ask her if said friend is decent looking or a wildabeast. Need to know if I need to top these 8 coronas off with a little tequila.
i feel like this needs to be a 'lose some teeth' kind of weekend.
Just don't eat pie out of the sink. It's a real blow to the self esteem.
Bring fortys. we have the duct tape. its onnn mothafuckaaaa
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
Yeah probably not. I have a hair appt, a gun class, and hopefully a boy to fuck. I'm booked.
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
I'm thankful I didn't get drunk and shit my pants this year. 🦃
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