I just encouraged Kelsey to make out with some guy for beer so I could take one, does this make me a pimp?
By definition I think it does.
So this is what it feels like to be all that is man.
this is a mass text: i just made a grilled cheese with an iron and pasta with the coffeemaker in the hotel room. bow before your new god.
I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
Just saw a crackhead get taken down by pd in the canal. Its offically spring
No, you always delete them without reading. Enjoy the virtue of morning innocence. What are you doing today.
He blacked out at the first bar and passed out at the second...we just carried him to bar three and four and sat him in the lounge chairs, he said we're amazing
I feel like despite his sleaziness I could be friends with this man. he just sent me a picture of his dog's balls.
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
I will pay you in sex, beer and popcorn if you will come fold my clothes for me.
Add free use of your panini press and its a deal.
Deal.
There's a bull to ride and dancing on the bar is encouraged. This is my heaven. And this is why god made leopard tube tops.
He adjusted my bra straps while I blew him.
Randomize
