Dude someone changed all the contacts in my phone to I Like Eggs
One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
Don't use my boy Weezy to support your whoreish tendencies.
If its allowed to Tornado at 830am then Im allowed to have a beer and a cigarette at 830am
Just had a flash back. Pretty sure i ate toilet paper last night.
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
you're trying to get a guy who's been in a coma for 2 weeks and who thought he was in '08 yesterday to drive you to the liquor store?
yeah, you wanna come?
Only you would have to block the fucking governor of Tennessee from reading your tweets
We are not in a rock band. We can't continue living like this.
I'd rather blow Nickelback than be told he gave me gonorrhea. I'd even post it on Facebook for all of the world to like, share, and judge me.
I'm pretty sure I just orgasmned my way out of paying for that weed
You were more fun when you didn't have morals.
She yelled out "MCDREAMY" mid orgasm
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
We smell like vodka and hangover
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