dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
I just spent an hour correcting all the grammar and spelling of all the 2pac songs on my ipod
did you seriously just ask me if there is such thing as a sophisticated batman shirt?
Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
I just found a babydoll head in my sink where we ripped it off and did shots out of it.
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
my dry spell has ended & now it's like a tsunami of dick i can't handle it
He walked in wearing nothing but a WWF belt and yelled "THE CHAMP... IS... HEEERE!!!"
Think he has a gf
Yea that shit doesn’t necessarily stop me
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