peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)
You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
he kept his composure pretty well until he puked on the cop car
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
I paid your cover too so you're on the list as tits mcgee. You're welcome :D
Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note
Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud!
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
Girl in my public speaking class just gave a speech on weaves, God I love community college
We have a lot of substance abuse to do tomorrow its sleep time
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
Never joke about your clitoris.
Randomize
