wakey wakey hands off snakey
Nothing too bad. Lost a stuffed horse on a stick and tore my clothes off. Again.
she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
And then falling down drunk the next morning, concussing yourself and splitting your head open?
That was pretty sad, but you more than made up for it by using "concussing" in a sentence
Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
All I remember is intermittent flashes of being passed out on the side of the road 3 or 4 different times. And telling him to just leave me there and I would walk home in the morning.
He wants me to hook up with his fiance while he watches. Text you later with how it goes.
I really have a thing for Greek chicks; I feel like while we are having sex she has the ability to make hummus which is just too appealing for me to pass up.
You made out with him a lot. Almost as much as you told everyone Paul was the zamboni guy.
I accused him of not drinking enough alcohol and eating tacos after midnight. I was sober and he's not a gremlin. I would say bad.
I'm telling you, I 'm beginning to think that my vagina is magical.
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
Randomize
