i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
I wonder if you could grow some weed in a chia pet
my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.
First coke bust down the road. Spring is finally here.
Yeah, sam & jessica were trying to have sex and you walked in & started coaching them through it with a fake hulk hogan mustache on.
True. On an unrelated note I helped post bail for both of our ex girlfriends last night. Russian roulette: guess which one is pregnant?
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
Do you know anyone with a stuffed cougar? I want one for a self portrait to hang in my house. A bobcat or lynx might work too.
I got a blow torch for Christmas. You are now permitted to be afraid.
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
I'm bringing home frosties. I need to talk about butt stuff.
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
and that's when you shouted "ahh motherland" as you streaked down hall 4B
please god let this picture I just uploaded not have my vagina in it
Randomize
