Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
I have demons in me.
Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
RJ thinks I should put one of the muffins in my vagina. Good idea or bad idea?
You've slept with me you know how lazy I am in bed.
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
It's a lost cause. Soon she's gonna get naked, just let nature run its course
I feel like if anyone knew what an affection erection looked like it would be you
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
Then when he got home he face timed me and showed me his balls
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
It was just a matte of pubes and mustard.
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
I'm still thinking about that amazing orgasm last night. I literally heard angels singing "Hallelujah!!"
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