i just won a 100 dollar gift card to walmart in a karaoke contest...i love kentucky
This was all being yelled across a beer pong table as all important things should be discussed
You bet me 100 dollars that the Raiders would win the super bowl this year. I have it on tape.
can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
Also- bikini mowing was a horrible idea. One truck just drove by 3 times, turning around at the end of the block each time. My tan may be better for it but my conscience has been raped.
I feel like he has a double life, why was he walking around at 3 am with a backpack?
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
You spent the entire night trying to get me to make out with you
yeah I remember. your boyfriend shouldnt have cheered me on though.
Just Peed in a cup for my country. Fighting the good fight.
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
All three of the bartenders here have screwed my boss, so he's definitely gay. Unfortunately for you he seems to have a type and you're not it.
It wasn't my fault.
You let her suck your neck. Yes it was your fault.
Randomize
