I saw his dick soo much last night when I saw him this morning all I saw was penis where his face should be
I just googled "semen solvent" and got nothing. there has to be something that will wash this shit off!
I see a marketing opportunity
If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
you kept slapshing your drinks on people saying the power of christ compels you.
How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
He had me believing he was actually British until he came and used his real voice.
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
I just saw her shopping list. The only things on it are blackberries, hot fudge and condoms. I almost don't wanna know. Almost.
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
So coach him. No guy wants to admit being unsure of something in bed. It's a man-law or something.
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
But we made up last night and had unbelievably crazy sex tonight. I legit went blind for like 15mins from him choking me. It was awesome
Honestly no idea how dad figured out i did all that gay porn unless he was looking at gay porn.
Ok next time we are filming it. You bring the camera and I'll buy more socks
Randomize
