Ill do this for you.
You are a team player.
This is me making up for not putting my tongue inside you more.
how soon is too soon to introduce handcuffs into a relationship?
sometimes i think what itd be like to be a firework
I had to step in when you tried to make it rain baking powder on my sister
You defs just slept for 6 hours in a porta pottie. You should probably just kill yourself.
Underwear, t-shirt, bottle of Pinot Grigio and Golden Girls. I've hit a new level of homosexual.
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
THE EAGLE HAS MY PANTIES. I REPEAT. THE FUCKING MASCOT HAS MY PANTIES.
HOLY SHIT. You're my hero.
He told me to take off work and bring a bathing suit. If this doesn't involve six flags hurricane harbor or sex in a hotel pool I'm going to be disappointed.
He just yells "mush!" as they're having sex.
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.
I forget how to act sober
Randomize
