ur dog is so gonna tell on us one day.
for doing what?
for smoking bowls out on the deck while your parents aren't home.
Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
This guy either needs to stop touching me or buy me another drink.
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
It's not even 11, i dropped a shot glass, nick is bleeding, and everyone is drunk
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
It was a recodring of you having sex ! It was like an ape and a dying mongoose at a buffet Xoxoxo
it's a shower with the lights off kind of day
At 10 PM you were shit faced in the kitchen makin nachos... Naked. I wasn't sure what to do besides walk away...
Heard about your divorce. Let me know if I can do anything for you or your penis ;-)
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
Randomize
