Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
so whenever I text yeah my phone automatically corrects it to yeahhhheeehhyeahyeahh .. too much party in the USA?
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
It was like she tried to cover up all the weight she gained with a fake tan...
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
Februarys looking very promising in the vaginal department
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
Please hurry up and come back. This is so awkward. He's showing me banana videos.
Done deal I'm dying it right at this moment. I'll need a red Speedo and a half shirt that is extremely tight. Like nipple tight.
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
Hey by the way did you notice my third nipple in my snapchat
don't worry, i'll dog sit again, the barking made the sex better, its like he was cheering for us, we were just THAT good.
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