EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
I'd marry him just to keep his penis in the country
my only goal for the semester is never go to my wednesday class sober
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
He walked in wearing nothing but a WWF belt and yelled "THE CHAMP... IS... HEEERE!!!"
How have you never felt a dick as hard as mine?
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