So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling
Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
the last guy with this job had a bookshelf fall on him. He's in the Er. Im high and they gave me his shift. How do you think i feel?
I am so hung over a medically induced coma is beginning to sound appealing.
It's not really that big. Girls just think it feels big. It's a cocktical illusion.
She kept pulling joints out of her bra and asking strangers for birthday hugs.
Mixed review. I fucked her in the river, but then we were assaulted by ducks.
I haven't been motivated enough for a shirt. And only half the day was bra-worthy.
It's after midnight. I didn't find the answer to my problem, but I did find the bottom of a bottle of vodka, so... there's that.
I barely trust you with my tinder, why would I let you take the staples out of my head?!
i just love the holidays, i hotboxed a gingerbread house last night
We're in a hurricane and you send me a video of you playing with your dick while driving! You wanna die?!
On a scale of 1-10 how inappropriate is it for me to ask if Walgreens offers teacher discounts when purchasing a Plan B pill?
I've scurried myself in your trunk come find me in the morning
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