Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
is it bad that i regret hanging out with a girl tonight because that means i have less time to sit on youtube watching xmen cartoons?
my mom told me that she didn't count me in the census because im a waste of life anyway.
It's like I'm in a vicious cycle of noncommittal penis.
raced the clock twice to day to see if i could get off before my computer died and before i left for my noon bar crawl... win, win
lets go back to having secrets in our friendship
She pushed me over. She offered me a shot from her tits. We're good now
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
He showed up to a baby shower and kept telling everyone he was late because he was pregaming. And then tried honking the pregnant girls tits
My eczema on my back is flaring up so he rubbed coconut oil on it while we were boning down. If that's not a picture of 8 years married I dunno what is.
It's entirely possible that I'm fucking yet another gay guy
IM TRYING TO SAY GOODNIGHT STOP FOR LIKE FIVE SECONDS WITH THE DICK SUCKING
I just watched videos of people getting puppies and crying, I cried too. Definitely still drunk
He's just been a dick since he set his face on fire. I just wanted to eat a fucking hot dog.
can you take a pic of your glorious tits but not send it just yet? I need motivation to finish this bull shit presentation.
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
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