I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
my momz letting me make the christmas card in photoshop
so that means christmas in space?
imma make our dead cats ghosts like obi wan kenobi
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
if you are still a virgin by winter break we are throwing an aztec themed sacrifice the virgin party
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
Remember don't think of it as being an alcoholic until something bad happens.
Think of it as Mythbusters for people who say you're going to get arrested or die
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
Just remembered when I first started going down on him he goes "ok now I feel a little better about the broncos losing"
I did not know male screamers existed until now. Good for him. Good for my ego.
I tried to suck your dick underwater and almost drowned
Uber driver has left leg up on the dash and turn signal on for about a mile, there's Chipotle wrappers on the floor, but she's hot. 5 stars.
well you're talking to a woman who had glorious sex less than 24 hrs ago so my opinion is biased.
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