Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
I want to be done crawling through windows but the sex is too good to stop...but I'm running out of excuses for where the bruises on my legs are coming from.
it only took 2 hours but we managed to melt the purity ring down with a butane torch
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
She sat on the toilet backwards so that she could hold onto the back part for balance. No she's not ready to go home.
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
Wearing the 'Let's Party' thong feels weird without you...
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
Randomize
