I want to kish your cheek
My cheeks are in Michigan
Oh my lips are kind of stretchy
Maybe you should have studied instead of worrying about who is going to have sex with you
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
i'm surprised you didn't wake up. like i literally came when he was fingering me as i was spooning with you and all you did was mumble "that's a good idea, mom" and pull the sheets away from me.
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
And then I learned that we are dating when I said it's out of line to bring fuck buddies home to meet the parents. And then I was single.
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
I will no longer accept being cock blocked in my own bed.
Brownies hit. And just found beer. And the bill cosby show is on. And its in spanish.
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
I may have had sex with him and told him we wasn't worth my time then went home and made mashed potatoes
How does one go about breaking up with their bf on vacation?
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
I feel better now, I have multiple fuck buddies again
While I was giving him head he told me he had to go door to door the next day and "spread the word of Jesus Christ" I felt like a Disney villain out to steal his virtue.
Randomize
