You're my little dorito
Do you ever think God made girls unattractive around their periods as a warning?
I convinced her san diego was a state. all the proof I needed was saying, why do they call it san diego state university?
she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
Let me make this really simple. We woke up this morning and fucked three times. When I got up and took a shower she cleaned up the mess from last night and did the dishes. Then we went out and she bought me brunch. I don't give a FUCK how much you don't like her.
So can we talk about how we all three made out with the bike taxi driver in lieu of paying him. I'm not even mad, that's resourceful. You know what married girls would have had to do? They'd have had to pay.
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
Ain't no cockblock like hearing the word"HOOODOOORR!" shouted from the bedroom floor while in the middle of sex.
I PUT IT IN THE UNIVERSE THAT I WANTED TO STAB HIM AND THEN SOMEONE DID! KARMA IS A BITCH AND SHE IS BEAUTIFUL!
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
Randomize
