You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
That's when you crack a 10am beer
We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
i told her parents not too worry the way i do it girls dont get pregnant
anyone who says 'i love you' and then followed by 'im going to call the cops if you touch me' doesnt really mean the first part fyi
All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
My biggest accomplishment thus far this summer is having sex 5 weeks after hip surgery.
250 people in this lecture & my prof asks who already drank green beer this morning& is drunk right now. I WAS THE ONLY ONE TO RAISE MY HAND
I'm at a first year old's birthday party and a midget dressed as a cop just showed up. Word is we're going to toss and bowl with him. Updates to come.
Per my usual Thursday, I blacked out and slept on the stairs.
Who else has a jello penis in their fridge?!
He told me he would make me come so hard I would throw up. I'm actually horrified that he thinks that's something any person would want
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