got in a fight at the bar because some dude thought i was being sarcastic when i told him "sweet mustache". it really was a sweet mustache
Then he told me he was 40. I'm not sure if I have enough Daddy issues to go for it
i was trying to wake him up so i just kept touching his dick
I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
her and i fucked to a michael jackson song and she had it memorized so she squealed every time he did
90 persent of me said don't pee on that fake plant. Buyt i did
She alternated between blowing me and feeding me bites of the sandwich she made for me.
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
Idk yet. Trying to convince him to get a phoenix bird tattoo first
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
While the bouncer was checking my purse, he found a bag of pasta noodles in it and asked me why I put them in my purse. I said to him: "So the guy knows I can cook."
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
It’s like a buffet of marriages! Every option is available to you!
Randomize
