So are you the girl that gave me herpes? or was that the girl from the night before
dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
I'm already at the bar. It's 2 PM. Help
It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!
I realize now that I left my pants on that table in the downstairs bathroom at you house on Tuesday....
I wish someone would just come knock on my door and fuck me already so that me and my stuffed animals aren't the only ones who see my amazing spring break tan. I'm not getting skin cancer so I can just sit here abstinent.
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
well when I said that I would ride his face until he ran out of oxygen, that's when I knew I shouldn't be around beautiful people anymore.
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
Me my naked body. You bring the paints. I expect to be a panther by game time Sunday.
What do I get.
Panthers win you get to fuck the paint off me.
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
Randomize
