Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
Dude. She told me she felt bad for not giving me more blojobs. HOW COULD THAT HAVE GONE BETTER?
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
Dude it's huge. I don't usually like looking at those things, but you're kind of forced to stare that horse in the face.
Apparently it's bring your ugly annoying ass piece of shit slob of a baby day at work
Well for decently drunk, in the woods, last-person-i-should-be-hooking-up-with sex, i thought it was pretty good.
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
I peed in front of kids, unfortunately
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