Just mADE A PArabola og urine
His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
A valiant attempt to obtain a backhoe was made
Was it high me or sober me who put those Jolly Rancher sticks in the freezer? I'd be soooo impressed if it was high me.
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
Life is my bitch right now. The bouncers tried to carry me out of the club, but everyone thought I was crowd surfing so everyone carried me BACK IN. Winning as fuck.
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
It's amazing what a couple of orgasms can do for a girls demeanor.
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
You go to class with the flu but don't go when it rains... Get your shit together
I KEEP THINKING INAPPROPRIATE SEXUAL THOUGHTS ABOUT YOU AND I AM SORRY.
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