if one more of _____'s family tells me "you're next" i'm going to shoot myself. Thank god for gin (most protestant phrase ever at the most Jewish wedding ever)
Ask for a julep and start talking about how you much prefer the uncircumsized peen. that should probably stop them.
Hey I found a place that'll do a hand job for 42 bucks
Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
i just threw up ON my final. epic way to end the semester.
i'm not sure if i'm mentally prepared for this.. politeness? proper grammar? book reader ? this is a whole new meaning of the species penis for me.
Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
I said:" get your jacket, get your beer and get the fuck out of here"
Firing someone with a rhyme is the new high point in my life.
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
I threw up outside of a cab while waiting in a drive thru Mexican line while others who i don't know watched from their cars while they ate. Dinner and a show.
My g-ma saw your dick-pic and wants you to know I've got a keeper. She says her big whopper died in Korea. Good thing g-pa is still asleep.
Have you ever just woke up in the morning and felt pregnant
80% sure the drag queens carried her home
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
Randomize
