listen. just hotwire a car, take off the license plate, make up a new one on a sheet of paper and go the speed limit. i do it like, at least 3x a week.
dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
It's going to be great. We're a perfect team to break up marriages and happiness.
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
Being invited to eat tater tots at 1:30am by a rly hot girl then actually only eating tater tots is a major let down. Tasty, but still a let down
Where did this racoon skin hat, stop sign and bag full of tacos come from?
Narnia or $5 pitcher night either way
He is dust bro dust in the wind I waited in this unlocked car long enough.
Apparently I'm a "fire hazard"
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
Tell me why i have 60 matches in 72 hours on tinder. Can i sell my tinder account like people used to sell their myspace pages and tumblrs when they had a lot of followers? Is that a thing?
Randomize
