I just know... :) goodntight
Whoops, meant "goodnight", but the other is true too.
Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
I have beard burns on my inner thighs. I'd say last night went pretty well.
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
Dude walks in wearing jean shorts and a graphic tshirt and goes home with an attractive female. EXPLAIN YOURSELF UNIVERSE.
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
Dude if I call tonight please answer and just say "NO, dont do it."
BAT SHIT CRAZY
It's you're fault, even though I never called
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
If I'm walking weird, don't judge me. Things got kinda outta hand with the GoPro on.
I gave him the white girl "you spilled my psl look" and walked away
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
you put your dick on my shoulder this morning like it was a fucking parrot
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
I tried to breakup with him by telling I had a threesome. He one upped me by saying he had a 5-some so I couldn’t do it.
Randomize
