mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
It's like a mixture of two words
"town" and "Im too drunk to spell right now"
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
Yeah. Not my best idea. But I'm hoping for the best . And by best, I mean not jail
Just an FYI if we break up I'm going to sleep with your cousin or who ever my dealer is.
I think the cashier could tell I was sad. All I bought was penis shaped food and chocolate
I feel better now, I have multiple fuck buddies again
Well, if you're anything like me you'll get a lot of ass when you turn 30, so that's a plus
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
Randomize
