were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
he keeps calling me but I'm too scared to answer... Not sure what he's gonna yell at me for: barging into his room while he was with another girl, filling her shoes with dog food and water, or hiding his keys in the garbage disposal.....
im using the astroglide sample u sent me as a bookmark for the book im using to write my midterm paper. i need to get laid. bad.
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
Starting the weekend with a pair of pants on which the zipper wont stay up. Is this a sign of things to come??
Just bought shock top, Trojans, double shots and baby oil. At 8 am. While the lady in front of me bitched about her expired coupons.
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
Randomize
